Since i read this article by Alice S.M Lee on The Star dated 29 October 2007, I really wanted to share it with everyone I know. Through this blog, now I hope rest of you can indulge just like I did. It is a wondrous one indeed!
I enjoy watching elderly couples who hold hands and treat each other as if they were on their first date.Their 'golden marriage' must have withstood more than just the test of time, for them to enjoy wedded bliss right into their twilight years. They must have stayed together through thick and thin, for better or for worse.
Being able to survive a marriage for 40,50, or 60 years is an achievement. With divorce rates on the rise, we can't help but admire these elderly, affectionate couples and assume that their marriage must be filled with love and fulfilment. What does it take for a marriage to last through decades?
Romantic love alone will not ensure that a marriage can last because it is almost impossible for someone to remain in a state of love permanently. The feeling of being in love comes and goes. It does not last. So, if love isn't the ingredient, what is?
We are often misled by the story-book ending of a married couple "living happily ever after". In reality, no lasting relationship survives without hard work. It is quite impossible to live with another person in a close relationship in the same house without problems arising. Every marriage experience tension. The only difference is, happy couples do not just walk away, they have learned to deal with their problems.
Elderly couples who are happily married have learnt to live with their spouse with tolerance, even though their patience might wear thin at times. They have accepted each other's faults and are willing to compromise.
Any long lasting relationship is rarely perfect. So arguments are normal. In fact, it would be worrying if couples stop disagreeing with one another just because it takes much energy. At least, by continuing to bicker and complain, it's a good sign that they are still making an effort to communicate with each other.
Arguments generally do no harm, as long as you do not get mean, sarcastic or show contempt for your spouse. Make an attempt to change the mood as soon as possible to bring about an early reconciliation. In reality, no one can stay mad forever.
Long term marriages thrive on the benefits of being together rather than being on one's own. The different phases of marital relationship are fraught with challenges: adjusting as newlyweds, the arrival of children, balancing a career, the children leaving the nest, and finally retirement and coping with old age.
Life brings unpredictable circumstances. Happiness, sadness, success, disappointments and failures-all these are part of having a life together.
Couples are committed to loving and caring for each other, but there are times when they might hate their spouses due to some differences. Keeping an eye closed, turning a deaf ear-these have worked wonders for many couples. They do not sweat the small stuff. Instead, they focus their energy on doing the right thing for the right reasons.
Many grow up believing marriage is forever. It can be, if both parties are willing to work at it!
Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it.
Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it.
Hatred darkens life; love illumines it.
Martin Luther King, Jr
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